A camera focused up tight on my hypergraphia, blurring out the swear words I had used. I’ve looked for it but the episode is nearly impossible to find now, since it was for a Canadian station and only half of a longer episode.
#You used to scrawl me tv#
Though I never did manifest those dreams about publication, I did get out of the hospital and my recovery story was featured on a reality TV show. My journals were going to become the next Wasted by Marya Hornbacher or Go Ask Alice (with a happy ending, though, of course). I ignored margins and filled the entire page with my scrawl: about the doctors, the counselors, how I thought I had gotten into this situation, and how I was going to get out of it. When I was moved from an inpatient to a day program, I worked on completing another and then another. I soon filled one coil notebook and started another one. Since I was forbidden from getting up due to my condition, I could really only read and write. Suddenly, my time in the hospital took on new meaning. ‘When you’re out of this, your journals can be a memoir.
One day, as my mother sat by my bed, she handed me the notebook I had been journaling in since I was ten. Though I was convinced I was fine, everyone else treated me like I was on death’s door. I weighed 85 pounds and had a heart-rate in the low 40s. When I was fifteen, I was hospitalized for anorexia nervosa. ‘I filled another coil-bound notebook and added it to a box in my closet.’ Illustration by Josh Quick.
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